It has been a fun filled awesome week. We spent two days at Disney World with another couple who we adore. I had a lot of fun golfing a few times, went out with friends for dinner and watched an adorable little puppy this week. Yesterday, I spent the afternoon volunteering on the Brain Bus on behalf of the Alzheimer’s Association. It has been a very productive and fulfilling week. Tonight we went to the beach for dinner and watched the sunset over Englewood Beach.
Disney and the beach are “my happy place”. My husband and I had such a wonderful evening tonight. On the way home in the car, I asked him “What if I don’t remember the beach anymore…..are you going to still take me there?”. He responded “of course honey”. It is times like this that really makes me appreciate the moments that I do have left and to remember to enjoy every last one them.
Tonight I am filled with “what ifs”. What if I don’t get to see my son and daughter have children? What if I become a burden to my husband? What if my friends/family no longer call or come to visit me? What if I no longer can do the things I can enjoy? What if I have to go into a nursing home? What if, what if, what if? Really, the question is not what if, but when.
I am all too familiar with what Alzheimer’s can do to someone you love. I was the caregiver for my Mom who had it and watched her painful decline everyday. She became trapped in her own body, with no memory, no quality of life. I can only hope that because I am doing things very differently than she did (exercise, socializing, eating healthy, etc) that this will buy me some time and slow down the progression of this disease.
Time is precious, and I don’t take it for granted for a minute. I am living every day to the fullest. I rarely allow myself to be melancholy or have a pity party, but tonight, after spending this beautiful evening with the man I love, I realized how sad I will be to not have these moments in the future with him. I know I need to live in the moment, and not worry about things that are out of my control. This is easier said than done.
Tomorrow is a new day. Goodnight.