Honey, I Told You That Three Times Today!

Yesterday was an “off day” for me. Although I am very active every day exercising, and eating well, today was a day of “brain fog” for me. Later in the evening, I asked my husband a question and he responded “Honey, you asked me that three times today, how many times do I have to tell you?”. I became quiet as we watched TV and then he saw tears streaming down my face. He asked me what was wrong. I replied “Do you think I would have asked you that question again, if I remembered that I already asked it before?”. He replied “Honey, you don’t listen”. I replied “Honey, I don’t remember”.

A few minutes later, he came over to the sofa and sat by me and comforted me by putting his arms around me. I started to cry again and told him how frustrated I am. I apologized for being such a nuisance to him and said I know how frustrating this is for him, because I felt that way when I was caring for my Mom. He said he is struggling with when I have good days and bad days and sometimes it appears that I am just being uncooperative when actually I simply can’t remember. I then said “Let’s watch the last Blacklist episode”. He said, “Honey we just watched it last night”. I replied “I didn’t watch it”. He was very adamant that I did. So we rewatched it again together. I probably won’t remember tomorrow that I watched it.

When we went to bed we talked briefly about what we could do in the future. I suggested that I move back to Michigan and hire one of the caregivers I know to help take care of me so that I wouldn’t be a burden to him in Florida. He wouldn’t hear of it. He said that this is new ground to him and he has to learn how to adapt, and realizes that he needs to start learning how to run the household (since I virtually do everything around here now) while I can still help him learn how to do so. I truly appreciate his kindness and willingness to take care of me so much. I am a very process oriented individual and am good at documenting everything, so we are going to start documenting things he isn’t sure how to do going forward (much is already documented).

It is hard for me to fathom that I would have to worry about this at 57 years old, but I keep telling myself that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I got this. I also “got” a wonderful husband who although he gets understandably frustrated with me, he is supportive. I keep encouraging him that he needs to go to a caregiver support group like I go to for a patient with Alzheimers. He says he doesn’t think he needs it. He does. I have work to do to get him to a meeting. It is going to get worse and he is going to need help and support. Please keep us in your prayers as we begin this journey into the unknown.

Have a great day!

14 thoughts on “Honey, I Told You That Three Times Today!

  1. I love your blogs. It’s as though we are the same person going through the very same experiences (I experience the same thing with my daughter and grandson too)!! I’m sure that is the case with most your readers. It helps me. It does. To know others feel the same anguish I do with the same issues and how we have to deal with it as positively as we can or it will break us. Can’t wait to see you again in November. Thanks!

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  2. Kelly, thank you for your honesty in your writings. I wish I would have known about support groups for family when we were going through this with Art’s dad. Gos bless you and thank you for sharing from your heart.

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    1. Thank you for writing Karen. There are so many great resources people can utilize if they just call the Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 help line. I went to my first support group meeting in October an it was fantastic. Now, I am volunteering for the Alzheimer’s Association and just worked on their Brain Bus. Now, I need to get my husband to an ALZ Caregiver support meeting. Please share my blog with others. We need to spread the word about this horrible disease and get more funding!

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  3. A thought you might share with your husband, family and friends: the important thing is to live for the moment with Kelly or anyone with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia. That’s the important thing. If she doesn’t remember something from yesterday, that’s not the important thing, just know that she’s with you now, in this moment, and you can enjoy the time together.

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