Yesterday was an “off day” for me. Although I am very active every day exercising, and eating well, today was a day of “brain fog” for me. Later in the evening, I asked my husband a question and he responded “Honey, you asked me that three times today, how many times do I have to tell you?”. I became quiet as we watched TV and then he saw tears streaming down my face. He asked me what was wrong. I replied “Do you think I would have asked you that question again, if I remembered that I already asked it before?”. He replied “Honey, you don’t listen”. I replied “Honey, I don’t remember”.
A few minutes later, he came over to the sofa and sat by me and comforted me by putting his arms around me. I started to cry again and told him how frustrated I am. I apologized for being such a nuisance to him and said I know how frustrating this is for him, because I felt that way when I was caring for my Mom. He said he is struggling with when I have good days and bad days and sometimes it appears that I am just being uncooperative when actually I simply can’t remember. I then said “Let’s watch the last Blacklist episode”. He said, “Honey we just watched it last night”. I replied “I didn’t watch it”. He was very adamant that I did. So we rewatched it again together. I probably won’t remember tomorrow that I watched it.
When we went to bed we talked briefly about what we could do in the future. I suggested that I move back to Michigan and hire one of the caregivers I know to help take care of me so that I wouldn’t be a burden to him in Florida. He wouldn’t hear of it. He said that this is new ground to him and he has to learn how to adapt, and realizes that he needs to start learning how to run the household (since I virtually do everything around here now) while I can still help him learn how to do so. I truly appreciate his kindness and willingness to take care of me so much. I am a very process oriented individual and am good at documenting everything, so we are going to start documenting things he isn’t sure how to do going forward (much is already documented).
It is hard for me to fathom that I would have to worry about this at 57 years old, but I keep telling myself that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I got this. I also “got” a wonderful husband who although he gets understandably frustrated with me, he is supportive. I keep encouraging him that he needs to go to a caregiver support group like I go to for a patient with Alzheimers. He says he doesn’t think he needs it. He does. I have work to do to get him to a meeting. It is going to get worse and he is going to need help and support. Please keep us in your prayers as we begin this journey into the unknown.
Have a great day!