My Over Communicating Mom During Early Stage of Alzheimer’s

My Mom was first diagnosed with vascular dementia, but the doctor eventually said she had Early Onset Alzheimer’s. Before we actually understood that there was a serious problem, she started to grossly over communicate. I had gotten her a personal computer about eight years earlier and she enjoyed email and surfing the internet. Right before her diagnosis, it was not uncommon for her to forward or communicate via email her thoughts on hundreds of posts daily to me and sometimes others. When I finally got so frustrated and mentioned it to her, she denied doing it or said she only sent one or two a day.

She also started calling me (her primary caregiver) and others incessantly. There were times she would call me ten times in one hour, because if she thought of something, she had to tell me immediately (just so she wouldn’t forget). I love my Mom dearly but she was driving me nuts. I knew this was the beginning of her decline because I remember my Great Uncle Bill (who had dementia) doing this to my Grandparents several times an hour, and my Grandpa actually screaming at him over the phone to stop.

When I was going through this it was difficult to handle. I was a wife, mother of two kids, and had a very demanding job, and now had a mother who I was her person. She depended on me for everything. Now, I can look back at it and chuckle, but it was overwhelming then. I ended up taking her PC away from her (after several people kept calling me to complain) and when she moved to an assisted living facility, I eventually took her phone away from her as well, because I visited her three times a day, and eventually moved into the room with her.

Now that I have Early Onset Alzheimer’s I am faced with the reality that I may actually end up doing the same thing to my loved ones. Unwittingly, I will begin to drive them nuts, and that makes me so pensive, so sad. I hope that they can exhibit some patience with me and realize that its the disease and not me doing this. I know support groups will help them with this, and they did see it with my Mom, but I fear that they have a tough road ahead of them.

As I just proofread this post, I just realized what I wouldn’t do again to her my Mom’s voice, to get those phone calls again, even if she was driving me crazy. We often appreciate people more after they are gone. How sad. Patience is a virtue.

Not today, Alzheimer’s, not today.

5 thoughts on “My Over Communicating Mom During Early Stage of Alzheimer’s

  1. My family probably doesn’t appreciate who I am at this moment either. I was doing better before my traumatic brain injury. I think, they think that I don’t realize that I am slipping mentally and physically, but, I am at that phase where I am acutely aware of my mental (and physical) deficits. It’s lonely and sad. I already feel I am a burden, I can’t imagine how I will feel in the days to come.
    I hope they look on me with kindness and love, how sharp, and witty I was. How as a single Mom, I did everything I could to raise them to be responsible adults.
    This is such a lonely, scary, anxious place to be.
    I read your words and, perversely, it gives me comfort to know there are others who feel the way I do, who understand what I am going through.
    I do sincerely wish you well. This diagnosis definitely is the biggest obstacle I’ve ever faced in my life, and, I think, you feel the same.

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    1. I am sorry you are going through this as well. Yes my family thinks I am doing better than I am, but of course I am the one navigating this collision course. Even though I am remarried, it does seem lonely when it seems like no One other than me understands how I am declining. Nor do my kids seem to take any Interest in spending quality time with me while they still can….they have their own busy lives. They assume I will always be here.This disease doesn’t seem fair.

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    2. Hello Melissa….yes,I am acutely aware of how you feel. I still have more good days than bad days, but they are starting to come in waves now . I am lucky I got remarried 5 years ago to a wonderful man, but I worry about being a burden to him and ruining his life. I think about it constantly. Are you involved in any support groups? I know that the Alzheimer’s Association ones are virtual but they are very helpful. I will keep you in my prayers. Please live every minute of every day you can and enjoy life before this disease takes hold.

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  2. I get it, I sat many times with my mom Listening to tha same thing over and overI would respond with the same thing every time it made it somewhat easier
    Love you Kelly ❤️
    I’m just a phone call away

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  3. I had the luxury of a mom who lived to 102 with full mental abilities. And yet I would get annoyed when she needed my help to get to the doctors or store. How i wish i could go back in time and do it over in a more loving way. I hope your children understand this.

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