My friend, Liz, got me this beautiful bouquet for my 59th birthday which I will celebrate on Thursday. I have never been one who really enjoyed birthdays, and sort of dreaded them. This year is no different. I don’t like the idea of aging, and I miss my Mom who I was very close to. I can’t seem to get over her death (a few days before my birthday 9 years ago) from Alzheimers.
At the same time, I realize that I am blessed to have made it to 59 years old and that my life is so fulfilling. I havce wonderful friends and family who bring me great joy. I have hobbies and interests that keep me busy and fulfilled. I do volunteer work that allows me to socialize and learn from others and make me feel like I am contributing to society. Life is good and I am blessed.
Every day with this disease is getting more difficult though to be frank. I keep pushing myself to be “normal” to be my old self, but to be honest with you, everything seems to be getting much harder. But I wake up every day, grateful. I don’t have a disease that is going to kill me tomorrow, I am not homeless….I have a beautiful home, and plenty of food on my table. I am not wrought with depression and loneliness. But it’s still hard, and its very frustrating for a type A personality like me. But I still have many more good days than bad days, and thankfully I have been successful at navigating all the workarounds that this disease entails.
COVID has been frustrating for so many people on so many levels including me. I have not seen my kids in almost 18 months, and have had to put a halt to my bucket list travel plans that we were working on. I recognize this seems like first world problems, and in reality they are not really problems, but when you feel like your on a race with the clock when your brain that is deteriorating , its frustrating. It just is. I am losing valuable cognitive time to complete all the fun things I had planned, but we are making the best of it. We are enjoying our beautiful State of Florida, socializing while social distancing, catching up on our naps, golfing, boating, doing my brain games, and attending Alzheimer’s meetings and conferences. We have to make the best out of a stressful time, right?
So my goals for my 59th year include to continue to surround myself with people I love and who love me, continue to motivate and be an example for others with cognitive disorders, focus on my exercise and diet, improve on my naps, and slow down a bit (that’s the hardest one for me). I need to learn to enjoy the ride, and not just the destination. Who knows, if COVID diminishes, I may even get a trip in next year. A girl can hope right?Hopefully all of this will equate to great cognitive health. I am in the early stage 3 of Alzheimer’s disease (there are 7 stages), and a year from now, I hope to still be in the early stage 3 phase.
Happy Birthday to me!
Not today, freaking Alzheimer’s, not today!