About a month ago I reached my breaking point. I felt like I had too much on my plate. Too many people asking me to participate in activities, interviews, etc. Things started falling through the cracks………things NEVER fall through the cracks with me. I was shocked by how much anxiety and stress I had trying to manage what quite frankly would be considered a “light load for me”. I had several good cries over it. My shiny armor is starting to change with Alzheimer’s. The stress I have when I am trying to do too much if overwhelming.
I took a good hard look at everything “on my plate”. I exercise 6-7 days a week………I need to keep that up for my brain health. That takes a good amount of time each day. I also participate in numerous Alzheimer’s advocacy activities either via conference calls, and also interviews. I am also active in Alzheimer’s fundraising activities. I volunteer at a local Backpack Angels program and run a Facebook Group called Saving Pets One Pet @ A Time which has over 10K members. I also am the captain of a Ladies Fun Golf League in my subdivision. This is all great…..until it wasn’t. I have hit a brick wall.
I had an appointment with my cardiologist who told me that my heart condition has gotten progressively worse. She encouraged me to focus on the things that give me “heart and brain health”. We talked about how I am feeling and I told her for the first time in my life I feel overwhelmed with my daily activities. She encouraged me to reprioritize what I am doing.
Additionally, things are falling through the cracks now at home and my dear husband, Kim is now having to pick up more of the household activities. I have begun paying some of our bills twice because I forget that I paid them. I am not willing to give this up yet, so now he is checking my work. He also has to help me with my medications even though we have them very well organized so I don’t take them twice. Oh the joys of having Alzheimer’s at 59 years old. It makes me so mad sometimes, that I have finally allowed myself to cry.
I have decided that I cannot cut back on my exercise even though I don’t enjoy it as much as I do it. Exercise and diet is the ONLY thing I can do to keep this damn disease at bay. So I will exercise by butt off. I enjoy my Alzheimer’s Advocacy and fundraising work, but quite frankly I get asked to participate in so much now that it’s overwhelming and I don’t really enjoy it anymore. So I am going to cut back there and only allot a few hours a month to do it, not 5-10 hours a week that I have been doing. I am also going to get better at taking naps and allow those electrons in my brain to reconnect, per my doctor. I have also given up running the Ladies Fun Golf League…..I no longer want to be in charge. It’s too stressful for me and it’s time to let others run it so I can focus on my health.
This was a difficult post for me to write. I have always thrived on being super busy, very involved etc. I need to know my limitations and understand my boundaries. Its what is best for me and my husband right now. They say when “one door shuts another opens”……….I’m waiting to see what the new door is going to offer. I’m scared of what I’ll find.