I May Be Down But I Am Definitely Not Out

Sometimes life just gives you lemons. One would think that having early onset Alzheimer’s would be bad enough and more than enough to handle. Last week I had the shock of my life when I went to my annual eye exam and found out that I had narrow angle glaucoma and that my eye pressure was so bad that I could go blind within a few days. I had no symptoms whatsoever. I met with a surgeon and my eye surgery was scheduled five days later.

Unfortunately for me, my situation got much worse over those few days. I was in excruciating pain, terrible headaches, could not sleep or basically function. As you can imagine, none of this is good for anyone, let alone someone with a cognitive disorder. My surgery was successful and we will wait six weeks to see if it did the trick or if any further intervention is required. Please pray for me that it is successful.

Friends and family have texted me over the last week telling me that “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”. Quite frankly, that is BS. I have knocked all 28 teeth out of my mouth and as a result got a pacemaker, cancer, early onset Alzheimer’s, and now narrow angle glaucoma. Yes, God has given me more than I can handle at this point. I have never smoked, done drugs, drank only for two years in college, eat healthy and exercise all the time. I am as clean as a whistle as anyone could be. I think I’m a good person, yet all this continues to happen to me. There must be a reason. I choose to think that God has put me on this earth to teach others how to be resilient, to be positive and how to continue on and live their life balls to the walls, do good for others and live like I am dying. Why else would he put all this on my plate?

I have been struggling the last few weeks with my memory due to stress and now my medical problems. I am upset and frustrated. I am focused on regaining my energy so I can start exercising again like my life depends on it and regain my cognitive ability. I have always been the girl who’s glass is half full instead of half empty and by God, I am going to regain my strength and get back to the fabulous life I have had up until now. ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING (and so is having my vision)! To say I am grateful for this surgery is an understatement.

Not today, Alzheimer’s, not today!

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19 thoughts on “I May Be Down But I Am Definitely Not Out

  1. I do understand.
    I hope that you start feeling better and that your cognition improves. It sucks when so much is taken away from us so quickly. We must fight with everything we have to get most of it back and I get really pissed off when I permanently lose a skill, word, or memory.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Melissa for writing. I hate to say this, but your comment brought be some relief. I thought I was the only one who feels I am in the fight for my life. I will be praying for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kelly you are so right about God giving more than you can handle,that is BS.But you do show others resilience,for sure.I admire and am always amazed by your strength.Sending you prayers and blessings.Love Glenda

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    1. Thank you, Glenda. Perhaps I am feeling a bit sorry for myself right now. I am truly exhausted, but tomorrow is a new day. Stay safe and healthy, my friend.

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  3. I look at it this way: If God didn’t give ME more than I could handle, He might give it to someone else. I’m not thrilled about the fact He thinks I can handle more than I do, but I sure don’t want anyone else to experience the burdens. And, I do believe what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. You ARE stronger for your trials. You keep going, inspiring, helping others. You’ll get through the eye surgery with flying colors. You have more to teach us.

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    1. Thank you, Jim. I have to admit, sometimes I get tired of teaching. I am just exhausted right now, but tomorrow is another day, right? Stay safe…..and healthy!

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  4. Kelly,
    What a blessing you have been in my life in helping to keep my precious pug, Poppy, alive. Not enough love in the world to thank you properly.

    Now it is our turn to be there for you. We givers never intend for it to quite work out this way, but when a situation such as yours presents itself, here we are!

    I won’t go deep into the details, but I have been off work for 3 1/2 years and have undergone five cervical spine surgeries in just a few years, two of them in the last five months. The last one was a complete reconstruction of my cervical and thoracic spine. No one would help me for years. They said I was too old, I’m 57. They said I will regret and have more pain. (Chronic acute pain for 20 years) I told them that wasn’t possible, more pain? Not afraid. I had moments where I felt like giving up, but then people like you gave me hope and helped me understand how much else is out there in this life and this world to love.

    Fast forward to today, the amazing lead spine surgeon, Dr. Witt, at UC Health in Denver performed the massive surgery in February, and I am doing so well. I am already better than I’ve been for five years.
    My heart feels full again and my body gets stronger almost every day. I am positive that my best days are yet in front of me.

    Imagine I am holding your hand right now and you’re coming with me. We are both going on this healing journey together because we are fighters, we are survivors, we put others before ourselves most all the time, but this time, it is our time.

    I am here for you day and night, hour by hour. I will message you my phone number and contact information, and I look forward to being a source of love and strength and positivity for you. This is all going to be OK. Roll with the moments for now, they will pass. Lots and lots of prayers for you from so very many people that love you, especially me.

    So much love and strength to you, Stacie

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    1. Stacy….oh my gosh I am sitting here in tears. I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through. Yes, I would love to get to know you better. I obviously have some rough times ahead but I am remaining positive and hopeful and plan on helping as many people as I can during the time I have left. You are such a sweetheart to reach out to me. There are some very good people in the world. Thank you again.

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  5. Kelly, it does suck big time and sometimes so overwhelming BUT you got this. You were the first person I met after being diagnosed with younger onset disease and your resilience drew me in and I have turned my diagnosis into a positive journey! Advocacy, early intervention education and sharing strategies to extend quality of life! Luv you and always here for you!

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    1. Thank you, Deb. I know you are always here for me as I am for you. We are in this together and we will go through this journey (no matter how scary it is) together. If you ever need to talk, just give me a call, or want to get together. I’ll be there! Love you.

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  6. Kelly, you are stronger than anyone I know. You actually got ME to have a more positive attitude – and I’ve always been 100% pessimistic. The glass isn’t 1/2 empty, it’s time to top it off. Prayers

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    1. Hi Jackie…….yes its all how you look at it. Look at you exercising and everything and being retired and enjoying life. Just remember my friend that every day you wake up is a gift and the fact that you can exercise and try to improve yourself is something that many other people would love the opportunity to do. I’m glad I can have a positive influence on you. Love you sweetie.

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  7. I’m praying for you. You have been through so much. I admire your strength. You give me hope for those who have Alzheimer’s. I am a caretaker for several people who are struggling with it. God Bless. 🌨

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    1. Thank you for your prayers. You are an awesome person to be taking care of several people struggling with this disease. My Mom and Uncle also had it and I took care of them. It was one of the hardest and most rewarding things I have ever done. God Bless You.

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  8. Just found your post about your eye situation & the medical issues. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Eye care physicians are so important. On my yearly appt. it was found that I had experienced 3 minor strokes. I thought that my vision was changing. Little did I know I had some serious issues going on. Thankfully I am doing fine now. 2 yrs later, medications, diet change & lots of prayers I have restored vision & am so thankful. Please know that you are prayed for daily.

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    1. Thank You so much for writing. Yes I appointments are very important. I hope you’re doing better now and still have good quality of life. I am doing the best I can to stay positive and work through all of these medical conditions. I exercise as if my life depends on it. Take care have a wonderful week

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